Friday, July 23, 2010

Day 13

"A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days (write a letter)"

Dear Death Cab for Cutie,

Thank you for writing the song "What Sarah Said." Despite the fact that I couldn't listen to it for a long time doesn't make it any less valuable to me.
When my dad died, I didn't want to listen to any music, watch any tv, read any books or do anything for that matter. I just wanted to sit and stare. Being in the hospital with him and with my family was an extremely emotional experience that I really can't put into words. Your song "What Sarah Said" really summed up what I had been thinking and feeling while being in the hospital for my dad.
I was inspired to choreograph a dance, which ended up being my Master's Thesis piece, because of a specific line from the song. "our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds" It really made me think about memories and how they are not perfect or accurate. It takes work to remember someone and I really try and think about my dad everyday to keep things moving and not let the memories get stale.
"you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all" is another quote that really really resonated with me. I miss my dad so much and it hurts a lot that he is gone and that I only had him for 21 years, BUT I am so thankful for those years that I had with him. I was blessed with an amazing dad and I am fortunate to have known him. I hate that he is gone, but I love that he was here.
Thank you for writing this song. Thank you for expressing words and feelings that I couldn't. Thank you for describing the ICU perfectly. Thank you for acknowledging that we can feel selfish for breathing around someone else who is dying. Thank you for noticing that the TV is on but no one watches it.
love and peace,

"What Sarah Said"
And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?..

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