Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Day 8

"Someone who made your life hell or treated you like shit"

For some reason this amuses me.

I don't think there is or has been anyone in my life for any period of time that made my life hell...maybe a specific ex boyfriend, but I am trying to forgive him...haha. Maybe if I write a little about the relationship, it will help me forgive.

This specific boyfriend was such a charmer. Lots of other girls liked him and I know plenty of girls that also dated him or "hooked up" with him. We dated for probably 8 months and I only remember 1 nice thing he did for me. He made dinner reservations at a fairly nice restaurant and paid for the meal. I remember MANY other times that involved us going out and him "forgetting his wallet" or trying to pay with a personal check. I also remember getting asked for gas money on a regular basis. Of course I don't mind paying sometimes or splitting the check on a regular basis, but I don't like when it is always on one person and I remember I was always the one to pay.
There was also constant pressure to have sex. Somehow I was strong enough to never give in, but it was a miserable experience. I was made to feel bad about myself and my choices in regards to sex. It was some sort of pressure almost every time we were alone. Maybe I am exaggerating in my head and it wasn't as often as I remember, but I trained myself to cry on command whenever the pressure got to be too much and then he would lay off.
I have NO idea why we dated for so long, but it was not a good thing. I hold such a grudge because it was suck a miserable experience. Honestly I was burned for a followed me through the next guy I dated and stuck around in the following relationship for a little while.

I am focusing on letting go of that experience and forgiving. He was young and silly and it was a long time ago. He could be a different person now. It's a process. It's a hard process.

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